I've been single for most of my life.
And I mean that.
My last boyfriend was four years ago, and that only lasted three months.
If you added up all my relationships, it’s less than a year of dating all together.
So, I rarely date.
I have never been the type of girl who has needed a relationship.
Maybe it’s because I like who I am and find 100% happiness in just doing me.
I treat myself with respect and practice self-love every single day.
I get to follow my dreams, pursue my desires, and make my own choices without the stress of intertwined lives.
Why add some guy into my happy and stress-free life just to complicate it?
I choose to be single.
I’ve never felt like I needed to be this someone just to be with someone.
No, I don’t get lonely.
I have tons of hobbies, friends all over the world, and I’m constantly chasing my dreams.
I’m happy on my own.
I guess what I’m saying is, I already treat myself like a princess.
I don’t let people into my life if they don’t plan on treating me with the same respect I give myself.
So, what do you mean Christine? Men don’t treat you with respect?
Ha! Well now that you’ve asked…
Let me set the scene of my overall message here by starting with the last three significant encounters I’ve had with guys:
A few weeks ago, I met this guy through a mutual friend. We hit it off over drinks, and the next day I was told by my friend that this guy was interested in me. So, I messaged him on Instagram. We texted for a week until he took me out to dinner. The date went great, he paid, and he even bought my favorite bottle of whiskey for us to share some drinks over at his place. We talked for about an hour, sometimes about personal things. We had a nice kiss and I went home. We spent the next night watching movies and got physical. The very next day he even invited me to a Super Bowl get-together at his friend’s house, but I figured a little break was in order. I’m never the first person to push things in a serious type of direction, because I have a rough past. I like to give things their time. The next week we talked every day. He made comments about us doing _____ in the future, about buying tickets to a concert I was going to (that was months away), and he kept bringing up how he was interested in me. Now, I never mention far off plans like this because I don’t expect these things to last long-term. My track record with guys suggests quite the opposite…But he was the one eagerly offering these ideas up, so of course it made me think he was pretty interested in me. We then made plans to hang out that upcoming weekend. I got my shift covered at work so we could grab drinks at a roof top bar near the beach. He told me he was going to be late, so I said I would head down there and wait for him. He called me when he got off work to let me know he was on his way, and then nothing. He never showed up. He didn’t respond to my texts. He never answered any of my calls. I still have no idea what happened and haven’t heard from the kid since.
I met this cute boy over the summer out at a beach festival in my hometown. He was friends of some friends, and we really hit it off. After a few drinks and hanging out for a couple hours, I decided to go back to his place. We made out for a while and fooled around a little bit, but when I told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him he responded by getting up, looking at me, and saying, “Oh, you’re not going to have sex with me? Okay, then you can get the fuck out!” as he swung open the front door. He then sat in a chair, eating pizza, smirking, and watching me gather my shit and head out the door.
Last year while visiting Chicago I was out for drinks with some friends and met this gorgeous Italian guy. He was tall, dark, handsome, and extremely conversational – which of course I loved. After bar hopping together for a while we decided to go back to this hotel that him and his friends had all gotten. We left his friends back at the bar, so we had the place to ourselves for a bit. We made out for a while until his friends busted through the front door. His best friend proceeded for the next 20 minutes to berate me, screaming “Dude, why is she even here?? She’s not cute! She’s fat!” and then ask me over and over, “Why are you even here? You’re not cute!”
The best part? The guy I was with did absolutely nothing to stop the twenty-minute insult session I was receiving while I was searching for my shoes so I can run out the door.
These are just examples of things that have happened to me RECENTLY.
Pretty fucked up, right?
I have many, many more.
I had a guy with power almost get me kicked out of my sorority, girls who were “just a friend” are now engaged to exes, I’ve had my dirty laundry aired online, I’ve been cheated on countless times, manipulated, taken advantage of, abused.
But none of that matters anymore.
The point is, this shit has got to stop happening.
As I’ve gotten older, it’s gotten steadily worse.
Every new male interaction is something new and wicked, and it is really starting to wear on me.
And quite frankly I’m over it.
As someone who is fairly strong and doesn’t speak out much about this stuff, it’s gotten to the point where I need to get this off my chest.
You can feel whatever type of way you’d like about this, but hopefully it will affect someone.
Because it’s not fair that I have to sit back every time a guy does something like this and just hope it’s not going to happen again.
Not when I have a voice.
I’m tired of hoping the “universe will deal with him.”
It’s my turn to actually speak up.
So, if you want to genuinely become a better person by next Valentine’s day, I’d suggest you fuck boys out there listen up!
Men really need to work on these 5 things:
1. Watching what you say to women.
You need to start paying attention to what you say to women. If you aren’t sure about what you want, then don’t make promises you can’t keep. Think about what you’re projecting when you say things. Half the time women aren’t thinking certain things until you put them in our head.
I don’t think you guys realize you’re planting seeds that don’t need to be there. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. There’s just no need for it. Don’t mention us doing something far off in the future if you don’t even know if you want to hang around that long. There’s no need to send mix signals like that. We’re big girls, if you’re heading for the hills soon, we can take rejection. I’d honestly prefer straight rejection than some of the behavior I’ve been subjected to.
2. Stop expecting sex.
The fact that you guys are so used to getting sex whenever you want doesn’t mean that you can throw women out like bad meat because we don’t want to sleep with you right away. We don’t owe you anything, and if we don’t want to have sex then learn to be okay with that. Men who throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way are the biggest turn offs and it just shows me how less of a real man you truly are.
Listen, if I’m hesitant to get physical it’s because I’m pretty conditioned to expect sex to be followed with something hurtful. I’m not too eager these days to initiate your asshole button when I first meet you.
3. Common human decency.
It seems like it’s all been thrown out the window completely.
I’m not sure if you guys just don’t care, or if you’re honestly too self-unaware to even know you’re treating people like crap.
What the hell has happened to treating human beings with common decency and respect?
All I want is basic stuff.
Like, don’t stand me up. Don’t make me feel uncomfortable or pressured. Talk to me with your words so that I know what you want and don’t want. If you say something, mean something. Don’t be a complete dick if I’ve done nothing to deserve it.
Basic adult human things.
Not only does “ghosting” reveal your low pedigree of man and how cowardly you truly are, it’s the most disrespectful thing you can do to someone.
Ignoring someone you used to talk to basically says, “you are so worthless and nothing to me you’re not even worth a 3 second blow off text.”
How can you talk to someone for weeks, day in and day out, and then comfortably stand them up for a date and then never speak to them again? Leaving them completely hanging with no idea what the hell even happened?
That is NOT how you treat people. It takes 3.5 seconds to send a text message these days to blow someone off. Still extremely impersonal, and at no risk to you, but it’s a common courtesy that this other person is owed at the very least.
Ghosting is so trashy. People will never be able to grow and fix bad actions if they did something wrong. They’ll never get proper closure. Their mind will race in all sorts of stupid directions wondering what happened when you could just be a decent person and tell them why you’re not into it anymore.
So what if it’s uncomfortable to tell someone you’re not into them?
That’s fucking life, kid.
Being an adult means having to do things that are uncomfortable sometimes. Man up, shoot a simple text if that’s all you can muster, but don’t just disappear.
It says a lot more about your character than you think.
5. Speaking what you're thinking and feeling.
You just want sex? Great! You’d be surprised by how many females don’t think you’re dating material and just want sex too.
You have interest in someone and only want to vibe with them and see where things go? JUST SAY THAT. That way you can both relax and stop worrying about making the wrong move that could push someone away. If you’re both interested, the pressure is gone. You’re not going to run away or overthink trivial things such as who texted who first.
You’re just over it? Fantastic! Please don’t waste any more of my precious time and just let me know so I can gladly leave you alone as well.
You just want to do you and hook up with people whenever you want and maybe never speak again? Even better! I’ll be doing the same thing. Just say that.
I recently met this guy on Tinder and we had great natural conversations for a few days.
We talked for about a week straight, and then I invited him out for drinks.
He tip-towed around “yes” for about two hours until at the last minute he bailed out.
We talked briefly after that and then he stopped talking all together.
When I asked him what his deal was, he said “I honestly am not looking for anything serious.”
Why are you on tinder, flirting for days with girls, then rejecting plans to meet up with them?!
I MET YOU ON TINDER, not Match.com. Clearly, I wasn’t looking for anything serious either.
I will never understand why you men even interact with women when you have no idea what you even want half the time.
So, if you find yourself flip-flopping, leave us out of your pathway, please.
We are not human chess pieces that you can shuffle around at your leisure.
You can’t just hastily throw us to the side and never speak to us again when you’ve decided you’re bored.
You don’t angrily toss women out of your home because they don’t want to have sex with you.
You don’t say mean things to girls just because you can.
And you don’t stand by and just let it happen.
That’s not how you treat people in general, regardless of who they are.
We all have feelings and struggles and our own pasts that you’ll never fully understand.
I challenge you all to honestly look inside and ask yourself if you’ve done anything disrespectful to any women in your past.
Have you handled things poorly?
Treated someone with less than the respect they deserve?
Would your mom be proud of the way you’ve treated people?
Maybe you’ve seen or heard your buddies do something terrible but never called them out for it?
I get it, we all make mistakes.
Hint: That’s life’s little way of hinting to us that it’s time to grow.
So, let’s learn and grow.
Think about each time that you’ve been messed with and what you now carry around with you.
I’m sure something stands out.
Yea, it fucking sucks.
Let’s vow to break this cycle.
Be a bigger person than the last person who fucked you over.
How about we NOT carry that baggage and way of acting onto our next crush?
It’s as easy as being a decent human being treating another person as a decent human being.
It’s not as hard as you men are making it seem.
In college, I once asked this guy I was hooking up with on and off why he never called me and why I was always calling him.
He said to me, “Honestly, I don’t really need to call anyone to get it…” and you know what?
I still think of this response frequently as the most respectable and honest response I’ve ever gotten from a guy.
As douchey as his answer was, I was so damn appreciative for him being honest with me. At least I knew exactly where this “relationship” stood, which was great.
And even after that, I still didn’t mind being the one to call him from time to time.
If that doesn’t prove that honesty can still get you what you want, then there’s nothing more I can say.
I once thought only crazy, manipulative, or clingy girls could get treated with such shade.
I thought because I’m kind, laid back, and down to earth, that maybe these things wouldn’t happen to me.
Because I truthfully never knowingly act in a way that would hurt someone or do anything that warrants wrongdoing.
Clearly none of that matters though.
I still get treated as if I’m this lesser version of a human.
So, I ask all of you men on Valentine’s day to take a hard look at the way you’re treating women.
If you’re a perfect gentlemen, then great. Teach your friends.
But if you run around disregarding people’s feelings and using people however you see fit, please stay far away from me.
And think about changing.
It will benefit your life, your next woman, and the world in the long run.