Funny Travel Stories: Don’t Be That Guy
Funny Travel Stories: Don’t Be That Guy

I love a good opportunity to stick my nose somewhere it doesn’t belong. Especially when it’s to right some wrongs.

Just ask some of my friends.

But really, I’ll give it to myself. I’m a boss-ass inspector. 

Given the right motivation I can figure anything out.

And it doesn’t hurt either when the universe throws you solid passes here and there.

Alright Christine, so what are you getting at?

Well a few days ago the universe presented me with some material that could help someone who was seeking justice.

And I took that shit and RAN with it.

I had just arrived in Hanoi a few days before my tour, so I booked myself into a popular hostel for the night.

I was feeling pretty exhausted from my previous week on Phu Quoc Island, so I decided to have an easy night filled with garbage television in bed.

Though I wasn’t planning on free beer or pub crawling with the rest of the hostel, I did remain social with the few people I had met in my dorm room.

Each time someone new walked in I sent them a friendly greeting and chatted if they seemed up to it.

But when Will opened the door, I had no idea of the hilarious story that was about to unfold.

From where I was lying in bed, I could clearly see each time someone walked through the door.

So, when Will walked in, I shot him a, “Hey, how’s it going?”

He responded with, “Oh not so good actually” with a voice and look that screamed of story time.

My ears perked up.

Oh, do tell Will. Do tell.

Will plops down right beside me and promptly begins:

“Well I left my backpack in the luggage room downstairs with a towel tied around the top strap. When I came back from my day trip, the towel was gone. So I asked the front desk if they have CC security cameras of the room and they did. After I taught the hostel girl how to pin point when the towel vanished, we saw this (he passes me his phone) This guy just straight took my towel!”

WOW. I couldn’t believe the nerve of this kid to just take someone’s things so nonchalantly like that.

Ok, yea, it’s just a towel.

But as backpackers there’s a common held belief that most people won’t do that. Many people don’t lock their things up in their rooms because they trust everyone. There’s this common sense of mutual trust that’s held in the backpacker community. Thievery from backpackers isn’t extremely common. Plus, towels can be rare while traveling.

I was pissed for him.

The Eager For An Epic Story Christine stepped up to play, grabbing the phone and mentally inspecting everything this kid was wearing.

I zoomed in on the screen shot; Facial hair, messy blond curls in a bun, maroon shorts, terrible elephant shirt, light colored shoes with a white Nike check mark, black watch, black backpack with red lining.

He’d actually be pretty easy to spot if he was still wearing this ensemble.

But let’s not kid ourselves here, I had no real intentions of leaving my bed to do anything about this.

But I did need to grab food at some point, so I took mental notes of this guy.

Just in case.

The four of us in the room sniped a bit about what an asshole this guy was.

The boys were going upstairs for free beer, so I decided to tag along just to look for this jerk.

It was just the right excitement that I needed for the night.

Anna from the bed behind me also joined our brigade. 

The four of us talked ourselves up as we climbed the stairs to the roof top.

It was packed with people.

Will and I took a look around but didn’t feel confident that we saw him.

He pointed at one guy with a man bun, but I’m pretty good with faces. I was sure that wasn’t him.

We all felt defeated.

Oh well, back to bed and TV for me!

Anna and I returned to the room for a chill night.

We sat around for hours plugged into our devices and enjoying some much-needed downtime.

Right as I was balls deep in my show, the door to our room swung open and a guy with a blonde messy man bun and dark blue elephant shirt walked directly across my view over towards the shower.

He swings the bathroom door open and quickly closes it.

NO FUCKING WAY. DID THIS DUDE JUST WALK INTO OUR ROOM!?

No waaaaay did this kid steal from one of a hundred different backpacks (look at how many backpacks are in that room!) and then end up in the same damn room as the guy he stole from.

I cannooooot.

At this point I was dying inside. The boys were still upstairs drinking, and Anna was hooked into her phone, so I decided not to bug anyone yet.

Besides, I had to make sure this was the right dude first.

I mean, half the backpackers in Vietnam have blonde man buns and elephant shirts.

Ya girl needed more evidence.

I waited around a bit for him to get out of the shower so I could investigate further, but my tummy was screaming at me. I gave in and headed to the streets in search of foods.

The streets of Hanoi were a madhouse on a Saturday night. People and motorbikes and bicycles everywhere. It’s a lot to take in.

I kept my eyes peeled, ate some food, and headed back to the hostel.

As I quickly dodged the oncoming traffic and spotted the steps of my hostel, I did briefly see something.

It was a quick glimpse, but I noticed a blonde man bun with a basic as fuck blue elephant shirt talking to some girl while he did something to his motorbike.

I realize this wasn’t a lot to go on.

I also realize this is like the typical image of any fucking backpacker ever.

But I do remember spotting someone that looked somewhat like the asshat that was caught on camera stealing.

Once I was back in the room, the mystery shower man was gone. Anna was still plugged into her shows.

After reuniting with my bed, Will soon popped back into the room.

I mentioned to him what I had seen on the streets. I then bugged Anna for confirmation that she too, saw a man bun guy enter our room.

Anna backed me up saying she did see a person who fit the bill walk into the room and grab a shower.

Will couldn’t believe it.

He was a little freaked at the thought of confronting this guy.

Because after all, the dude’s a thief and sharing our room, and Will was extremely non-confrontational.

Insert: Christine The No-Shit Taker.

I told him not to worry (let’s be real, I got heated and said fuck that the guys a dick you right he’s wrong…something alone those lines).

This guy is in the wrong and if you do confront him, he’ll probably be so embarrassed he got caught that he’ll feel bad.

I promised him that this dude wasn’t going to swing at him and told him I’d pretend it was my towel and confront the kid myself if he wanted (cuz at this point my adrenaline was pumping and I wanted in on the action).

We all agreed we were moving way too fast. We weren’t even sure this was the guy.

We all decided to go on with our night. 

Will went on the pub crawl.

Me and Anna went to bed.

At about 2AM, I woke up to Man Bun Blondie entering the room again.

He jumped in the bed right beside me.

I was half asleep and creepily glaring at him with eyes on fire from across the room.

And I came to one conclusion: I wasn’t so sure this was our guy.

The following morning I was one of the last in the room to roll out of bed and make it to breakfast.

I lingered a bit longer to inspect the parts of the suspected man that were peeping out of bed sheets.

Yea, I didn’t think it was him.

Shortly after I met the other roomies upstairs.

We chatted about how we were sad we didn’t bust the guy, and then we all parted ways for the day.

When I arrived back in the room again it was just me and the still-sleeping man bun.

And then the scene unfolded ever so obviously to me:

dont be that guy

Woah woah, those are the exact same shoes the kid in the video was wearing! And a black watch!

I zoomed in on the photo one more time to be sure.

THIS WAS THE GUY.

I instantly messaged Will this photo, to which he freaked out.

He soon re-entered the room with me.

Me, Will, and a Blonde Thief.

I pointed out the shoes and watch, whispering, “Those are the same fucking ones, dude!”

He agreed.

I then pointed at the backpack on the end of this kid’s bed going, “Isn’t that the same backpack?!”

Will grabbed the small side lamp to turn on the light and shine it in Sleepy’s bag.

The fucking bag was wide open with Will’s towel right inside.

dont be that guy

Busted.

Side note: Ladies, this is what I mean when I say that men don’t do things intentionally. I just think they’re fucking morons. If you stole something, wouldn’t you maybe not keep said item out in the fucking open, laying next to every item of clothing you stole said item in?

Yea, robbers should be women…

Ok, anyways.

This fucking idiot has every piece of incriminating evidence literally laying at his and our feet.

He was so fucking busted.

And I was dyinnnng.

Will on the other hand, was nervous.

He was not extremely excited to confront this guy.

I told him what I would do:

Make niceties with the guy for a few minutes, then cock a shit-eating-grin, pass him the phone with the evidence, and ask, “Is this you?” Wait for a response.

Yea, I was jumping at the chance to do this for Will.

I love watching people’s true colors burn bright when faced with an unwavering truth you cannot deny.

How was he going to react!??

  1. Lie
  2. Get mad and defensive
  3. Own up to it and apologize
  4. Offer to buy a new towel
  5. Punch poor Will

(The correct answer should be 3 and 4)

But Will was adamant that he could handle this.

I believed in him.

I gave him some parting words of advice and became extremely upset that I had to leave and miss the final act of this drama.

(Because if I didn’t have to change hostels, you know my ass would have been sitting on my bed, phone in hand, video recording the entire damn thing for your enjoyment)

I spent the next three hours dying of anticipation waiting for the conclusion of this story.

When I finally got Will on the phone, he spilled the beans.

When the cleaning lady came into the room and made some noise, He-Whom-Gives-Manbuns-Bad-Names finally got out of bed.

Will just flat out asked him, “Hey dude I’m pretty sure you stole my towel.”

The dick at first played dumb, wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

That’s when Will showed him the video.

Man Douche then mumbled something like, “Yea I used it,” and then gave the towel back.

After checking out the towel, Will said there were big black stains all over it.
He was pissed.

He confronted the dude, “Yo, what were you doing why does this have black stains on it?”

You know what this guy said?

He used it to clean his motorbike.

THE KID USED IT TO CLEAN HIS MOTORBIKE.

Not even a personal shower, but for a motorbike.

Couldn’t ask the hostel for a towel, or buy one himself, or use alcohol wipes (which are everywhere) or even toilet paper, but you had to steal someone’s shit to do this?

Ugh.

Says so much to me about his character.

And clearly the universe felt the same way.

Of all the backpacks in that room…sticking the guys in the same damn room together.

Good one universe, bravo.

Will said he got the feeling the kid felt a little ashamed after that. Good.

I truly hope he learned from this and becomes a little less of an ass.

And then it clicked to me…I may have even seen this guy in the very act of cleaning his motorbike with the freaking towel when I passed him on the street!

Actual insanity.

Hilarity, but insanity.

I returned to the hostel that night to go out with my new friends and laugh about Will’s triumph.

Needless to say, we told this story and flashed homeboy’s picture to anyone who would listen.

Will didn’t see the kid in the room after that. He’d packed his day bag and fled.

Good on ya mate.

Just another hilarious story that involves the shit that happens in my life, the universe doing what she does best, and a few lessons to be learned:

  1. Don’t be a fucking dick. Because the universe always finds a way to balance things outs.
  2. Always lock your things up.
  3. I’m a freaking instigator/the best side kick ever.

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