For any of you who keep up with me in the slightest, you probably know about Margaret.
You’ve either shared drinks together, swam with her, heard about her, or have seen her on social media.
The infamous party frog who has more fun than all of us.
But she’s more than just your typical pool float.
She’s a spit swapping, pool party loving, music festival attending, world traveler.
She’s the sluttiest, happiest, friendliest frog in the world.
And she never leaves my side.
(Well, only in Bali. But we’ll get to that later)
There are many of you out there who have never had the pleasure of meeting Margaret.
And I’m sure you’re left with many wondering questions.
Like, who the hell is Margaret?
How did she come to life?
When does Margaret come out to play?
And how did she get that personality that everyone seems to love?
Well, I’ve decided to give my star the spotlight she deserves.
Today I’ve got the answers to all those burning questions about Margaret.
Here is the story of how we became attached at the hip.
How did Margaret and I become “a thing”?
I’m going to be frank, I can’t really take any credit for Margaret whatsoever.
I’m a bit of an asshole, really.
One day I took a snorkeling trip to the springs with some buddies of mine.
Midway through the day, I see my boy Brian slowly creeping through the water barely afloat the smiliest little frog I’d ever seen.
“Oh my, well who is this?!” I asked Brian.
He had a grin as big as the frog’s as he replied, “This is Margaret.”
She had the happiest little grin, the cutest little webbed feet, and she was the perfect size.
As soon as I laid eyes on her and saw what a great floatie she was, I was in love.
I knew the feeling was mutual because we were attached at the hip the entire ride home.
And that was all it took. After that day I just had to have a Margaret of my own.
Shortly after, I saw her at Target’ and bought her for myself.
That’s right people.
I had no intentions of getting a different animal. No intentions of being original.
I’m a super lame, totally unoriginal, frog stealing, asshole of a friend.
I didn’t even give her a new name.
She was just so perfect as she was that I didn’t want to change her.
She looked like a Margaret, acted like a Margaret, and she was going to stay a Margaret.
But WHY Margaret? Wouldn't another float be just as good??
If I’m being honest, the frog isn’t the only floatie I have.
I also have a giraffe named Jefferey and a penguin named Boots.
But anyone who has met Margaret understands that she’s special.
She always has a huge smile on her face.
She’s got these little webbed feet that are so fun to dance with.
And green, is like, the best color in the world.
There’s just something special I get from Margaret that I don’t get from other floaties.
You see how happy she makes people and you want to try her out for yourself.
I love the energy she gives me, and I love watching her give that same energy to others.
She’s just a major catalyst for fun.
So that’s why I chose her.
Why does she have to join you everywhere?
You may be wondering why I choose to include Margaret in my daily activities.
Why does a grown ass 27-year-old women bring a toddler pool float to everything?
Because she’s fun, damnit. That’s why.
And she doesn’t come to everything.
Just almost everything party, music, or water related.
These are the reasons why:
- Safety First.
Some of you may have realized that I have a tendency to hurt myself. I’m a klutz.
So, since I can’t live a bubble-wrapped life, I settle for a rubber ring around my waste. She really does keep me from bumping into stuff. Naturally, she also keeps me from drowning – not that that’s really ever an issue. But wrap your hands around her neck and you’re floating effortlessly in the water for hours. Party situations always add an element of danger, so why not bring some extra security/fun?!
Disclaimer: She doesn’t protect me from making bad decisions, (quite the opposite actually, she can be a terrible influence) but she does add an extra level of safety to my escapades.
2. She’s effortless.
She is the perfect travel companion because she takes up zero space in a packed bag. She takes only a few breathes to blow up, and she just chills around your waste without you having to even carry her. It takes no real effort for me to bring this stud around with me. So why not?! She’s perfect. I swear the only thing this beautiful frog is missing is a cup holder.
3. She makes all the friends.
I travel solo and wander off a lot, so Margaret is the perfect companion. As soon as people see this smiley frog wrapped around my waste, people just want to know what’s up. She helps me make so many friends. She’s been wined and dined on cruises, adopted into wedding parties, and is loved by people from all over the world. Once people see how great she is, everyone wants to hang with Margaret.
4. She’s a fun-loving, slut.
You read that right. She’s a slut. A serious one.
One day atop a party yacht in Croatia (her second big adventure with me), a strange man asked to take a body shot off Margaret.
Hence: The Margaret Shot was born.
Just get on your knees, put your mouth to Margaret’s mouth, and drink up as much alcohol as you can.
This is kind of her thing.
She’s tongued a disgusting amount of people over the past few years.
So yes, she may be a slut. But she’s my slut. And we love her for who she is.
5. She thrives in music and water environments.
Just like her mama, Margaret likes to get down.
Who am I to deny her the pleasure of shakin’ it to her favorite DJs?
It’s hard to say no to a smiling girl who just wants to hang around your waste all night.
Besides, in a packed crowd of people she provides an extra buffer of personal space for me to dance without people all up in my grill.
She’s definitely good people to have around.
And naturally, this bitch was built for the water.
Beaches, boats, pools, you name it.
If I’m swimming, she is too.
She’s an excellent neck pillow when I’m laying in the sand.
She’s the perfect girl to rest on when I’m floating in the ocean.
And she adds that extra level of ease to every pool day.
It’s easy to see why I keep her around.
What all has Margaret done??
Margaret has done a lot more than some people will do in their lifetime.
She’s partied a week straight on board a yacht in Croatia.
She’s helped me celebrate my 25th birthday in Puerto Rico.
She’s given out 50+ Margaret shots during Thailand’s water festival, Songkran.
She’s danced on the beach of The Bahamas before making in into the HolyShip! aftermovie.
(Go to 6:41 to see Margs being Margs)
She’s sailed around the island of Santorini, Greece.
She’s been to countless crazy pool parties in Bali.
She’s made tons of friends in Halong Bay, Vietnam.
She’s hiked through national parks, down to secret beaches, and taken mud baths near a volcano.
She’s partied atop countless boats, danced to her favorite DJs, relaxed in exotic locations, and kissed more strangers than she can recall.
Margaret is doing her damn thing.
And honestly, this bitch gives me LIFE.
Speaking of life, how has she stayed alive all these years?
Welp, she really hasn’t – she is an inflatable frog after all.
With everything she has been through, there is no way she could survive it all.
Unfortunately, I’ve had to part ways with four different Margarets thus far.
So what’s happened to her?
The first: The original Margs could not hang for shit on my birthday trip to Puerto Rico. After the three-day weekend she was toast. She stepped up her game after that.
The second: Survived a lot of adventures. But unfortunately for me, she loved Bali so damn much that she went home with a strange man after a Duke Dumont pool party.
The third: Was a freaking beast. She survived another year of craziness and made it through the absolute savagery of HolyShip! But Margaret the third was sadly popped by a Vietnamese bartender who was just as upset about her death as I was.
The fourth: The fourth Margaret had a lot of nerve, because this bitch went off and left me AGAIN in Bali. She just had too much fun at this wedding party we infiltrated.
(But who can blame her? I’d stay in Bali forever if I could too)
Yes, she’s had a few different lives. But that doesn’t matter.
Margaret is more than just a pool float.
The floatie is just a vessel.
She has a spirit and a soul.
Margaret’s spirit lives on from floatie to floatie.
She’s still the same slutty frog we know and love, regardless of how many lives she has lived.
Cool. Now we know all about Margaret. So, how long will you keep this shit up, Christine?
As long as I’m going on adventures, my girl Margaret will be there too.
Or until they stop making Margarets, whichever is first.